What If Something Else Could Be True?

If you've sat in one of my group sessions, for sound healing or breathwork, definitely in a roXiva event, you may have heard me say that the overarching reason I like to share these modalities is because I hope it can open your mind a little bit.

And when I say open your mind, that could mean so many things. A new possibility. A new reality. A new interest. A new feeling.

Why that matters so much to me is partly just how I've been geared my whole life. I've always been an explorer. I always wanted to learn about new and different things. When I was young I loved watching documentaries about people or topics that were on the fringe, something unique and different.

But I also think opening your mind is crucial to growth, and to actually living this one life we have. It's not one fixed, static thing you learn when you're young. There are so many different ways people live. So many different ways to feel and to see things. And your views and perspectives shape your life, and shape how you feel.

So when someone is struggling, sometimes the relief comes from opening their mind. From being open to a new reality or a new experience. I really think that's a key to navigating this human life.

I get to watch it happen sometimes. It's a look on someone's face after a session, this kind of awe, where you can see them turning something over, trying to figure it out. They're curious. That's it. That's the whole thing. And the hope is that it keeps going, that it gets nurtured instead of shut down as a one time experience.

Which brings me to the question I actually want to ask you.

Why do you believe what you believe?

Not all of it. I'm not suggesting you tear apart everything you think. But the beliefs that bring you pain, or shame, or fear. The ones that keep you stuck in a place you don't want to be. Where did those come from? Who handed them to you? And what if something else could be true?

I'll go first.

Religion, at seventeen

My parents divorced when I was three, and my dad was much stricter in his Catholic faith. On our every other weekend visits we started going to church regularly. I hadn't gone through the sacraments at the usual ages, so when I was a teenager my dad set me up with tutoring to get me ready. I had my Confirmation around fourteen. I'd go to my tutor's house and study, and we'd go to the small Catholic church in the town where I lived with my mom.

It was a lovely experience. All of it was nice and fine.

And then around seventeen I started questioning it, and I remember thinking, I don't think I believe this.

That was the start. Not of an answer, but of a question I'll probably carry my whole life. As I've gotten older I've moved more and more toward what feels right to me, rather than what I was supposed to choose or what would keep me in line with what my parents wanted. That's still hard sometimes, when people who love you believe differently. But I feel more settled in myself every year, and more able to trust my own gut.

Productivity

A smaller one, maybe, but it runs deep: the belief that you have to be constantly productive. That if you're not, you're doing life wrong. You're lazy. You're failing.

I'll probably always wrestle with that one. But I've made real strides in sitting with the discomfort of not being productive instead of running from it. And what I've found is that the days pass either way. This life is the length it is. Most of these things don't matter as much as I believed they did.

You can test them

Here's what I've learned about beliefs: you can test them.

Take an afternoon and don't be productive. Just rest, dilly dally, do something fun/be silly, whatever you want. Don't work, don't do chores. Then notice how you feel on the other side of it.

It can go two ways.

You might feel guilt, shame, stress, anxiety. That's still useful information. You get to ask: why do I feel guilty? Where did that come from? That's a place to explore.

Or you might get to the other side and realize there were no consequences. That was fine. I feel good about how I used that time.

Either way, now you have something you didn't have before. That's how an old belief starts to break down, and how a new one gets room to take its place.

The one I'm still working on

Career and worth. This one is ongoing.

If I'm not trying to make more money or grow my business, what does that mean? Can I keep living a life that's balanced between time spent making money and time spent just living? Between doing things for the love of them, and doing things to earn enough to make room for the things I love?

I don't know the answer. I'm not sure I ever will.

But what I do know is that there's some choice in it for me. I've shifted a lot, and where I'm at right now feels good. It's fine. I don't have to push for something else.

At some point I may choose to push. And that's allowed too. You can choose one thing, then change your mind, and choose something else. You can do something and eventually never want to do it again. And then maybe someday you do it again.

That's all okay. The power is in the changing. That's how you learn the difference between one thing and another. That's how you get evidence. That's how you build the support to make better choices for yourself.

The ripple

The only way society changes is by individuals changing.

I'm not going to change the world. I can't even change the people around me, and I don't want to. What I can do is be an example that makes someone open their mind a little and consider something different for themselves. I don't need to decide what that something is.

Sure, occasionally I have the thought, why can't you see it the way I see it? That comes up. But I trust that people find their own path. And I believe that when you create healthy, nurturing environments, most of the time people move naturally toward what's good for them.

So the ripple is already there. You don't have to tell anyone what to believe. You just have to give them room to get in touch with themselves and explore it.

I really do think the best outcomes come from that.

One more thing

This whole conversation about opening your mind and questioning your beliefs connects to something I haven't written about yet. I'm looking forward to sharing more about my experiences with psychedelics, and what I believe and hope for as it relates to them.

If you're curious about that at all, stand by.

— Katie